Harry Potter and the sixth yearI dunno yet
by mreddy817
Summary: K- this is how I imagine the sixth book, and I'm trying my best to make it as realistic as possible.
1. Default Chapter

Hi!.- Some of the people in the story are kids from my school, that's why I thought it was so funny.  
  
Chapter One- Birthday Gifts  
  
There was nothing unusual about the  
  
appearance of 4 Privet Drive. It looked exactly like  
  
every other house along the street, with its boringly  
  
normal windows, and off-white stucco walls. There  
  
were neatly trimmed hedges (a bit unnaturally neat), a  
  
nice, shiny new car parked in the driveway, and most  
  
importantly, it was quiet. If a house did not fit this  
  
description, the Privet Drive inhabitants in question  
  
were scorned. The only 'unusual' thing about Number  
  
Four was that there was often an owl swooping about,  
  
as now. This was especially odd, as it was about 2  
  
o'clock in the afternoon. And it was carrying five large  
  
packages on a harness.  
  
The brilliantly white owl landed softly with a gentle  
  
whoosh of wings and cooed quietly in the window.  
  
There was the sound of the window being opened,  
  
and the owl hopped inside. A thin, black-haired boy  
  
with round glasses and an odd scar was to be seen  
  
holding the owl on his arm.  
  
"'lo Hedwig. I was starting to worry, you'd been gone  
  
for so long." The owl hooted gently in reply as the  
  
packages were removed and she was placed inside a  
  
large cage. The boy smiled and turned to the  
  
packages. He reached for one wrapped in light blue  
  
paper, and by the shape of the package (which  
  
resembled a book), he could guess who it was from.  
  
"Hermione, so predictable," he laughed as he turned it  
  
over. Sure enough, beneath the "To Harry on his 16th  
  
Birthday!" was "From your friend, Hermione." Harry  
  
paused for a minute, wishing once again that he was  
  
back at Hogwarts with his friends. He turned quickly to  
  
his closet door, upon which he had tacked a calendar  
  
counting down the days left until start of term. Still a  
  
few more weeks to go. He sighed, turned back to the  
  
package and opened it. Expecting another chiding  
  
homework planner, like he had received from her at  
  
Christmas, he almost reluctantly opened the package.  
  
However, he received quite a shock. He peeled back  
  
the wrap to reveal the words, "Dark Wizard Catching: A  
  
Prospective Auror's Handbook by Ursula Ledger "  
  
"Wow... Hermione must be a  
  
Legilimens," Harry thought, but then remembered that  
  
he had actually acted rather obvious about his  
  
occupational ideas. He set it on his bedside table; he  
  
would definitely be reading that later. He then picked  
  
up the letter and tore it open. He sank down onto his  
  
bed to read it.  
  
Dear Harry,  
Hope you're well. My family is fine. At the moment, I'm in the Americas, and it is really quite... cool! I've been to Chicago (great city- honestly, I might move here when I'm older!) and San Francisco already. Right now I'm in New York, and it is absolutely brilliant, though not quite so cool as Chi-town (the Field Museum was brilliant; I got to see this huge dinosaur skeleton). I visited the Met and it was great. Muggles aren't that stupid, you know. We went to a lot of different places, including the Manhattan Magic School. We got rather lost yesterday and ended up by this place called Sing Sing Prison. The best part was that we ran into this witch, a student at the MMS, named Adetoro Adeyemi and she's about our age, but her family is all wizards and witches. She was able to help us figure out where to go, but only after some really delicious Nigerian food! Anyway, we're going by plane (you do know that much about muggle transportation, don't you?) to Boston tomorrow. We're going to visit the Salem Witches' Institute. Sounds rather frightening, doesn't it? We're also going to this school called Groton because I have a cousin going there. His name is Andrew Fulham and you can tell we're related because we both have the same bushy hair. He's a few years younger than us, and he's already received his schooling letters. He declined, though. A great thing about America is that you can start your wizardry school at any age! And training can go on for years and years! Anyway, I really hope you like the book. I thought that you seemed rather keen on becoming an Auror, so I figured that this would be fitting. And don't worry about Hedwig! I sent it by muggle post to Ron's house as I didn't figure that the Dursley's would give you a present even if someone else had sent it. You're probably getting this about a month after I delivered, as I left ample time in which to be delivered properly. I suppose you'll see us soon (can't say more here, obviously). I'll write again once I get back home, maybe all of us can do the usual- you know- meet with the Weasleys in Diagon Alley?  
  
Love from,  
Hermione P.S.- I met with a few witches at the Manhattan Magic School and they seem interested in S.P.E.W. too! Of course, they don't really understand it so well as elf slavery is illegal in America. They said that they'd heard quite a bit about house elves, though and said that they might start some programs to help raise funds and awareness of House Elf rights in their school! I figure that it might be minor now, but, "drop by drop, you can fill an ocean!" I also enclosed a copy of the Daily Prophet, just in case you need to keep up with the news!  
  
Harry smiled happily. He was glad that the Grangers  
  
were having a nice holiday. He thought it was funniest  
  
that there were little witches roaming around in  
  
America, too. What an awesome name, Adetoro  
  
Adeyemi...and he never knew Hermione really had  
  
any relatives. How stupid of him.  
  
He turned to the next gift, which was from another  
  
great friend, Ronald Weasley. It was rather large and  
  
covered in brown paper. He set it atop his desk and  
  
carefully opened it. On top he found a large tin of  
  
pasties and a large cake reading, "Harry's 16th" but  
  
with the '1' written with a lightning bolt." There was a  
  
huge orange-iced lion on it, too. Harry smiled and set  
  
that aside, too. He found a bunch of comic books  
  
reading, "The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad  
  
Muggle," in a special 50th anniversary edition box. It  
  
had to be from Ron, who was a Martin Miggs fan.  
  
There was a piece of parchment attached and Harry  
  
pulled it out to read it.  
  
Harry!  
Hope the muggles are treating you right. Haven't heard from you in ages! Has Hedwig been off on a job or something? We're all fine here in the Burrow. Charlie, Bill, Fleur, and Gabriel are here at the moment. I'll bet you Bill and Fleur are close to engagement- I can't believe I was such a berk about her back in fourth year. Urghh, so embarrassing it was at first. But now everyone is pretty used to it. We spent a good fraction of the past two weeks at Headquarters, but now we're back home.  
Gabriel is actually quite nice. Remember, you rescued her in the Second Task? Well, she regards both of us as heroes. Quite flattering, really. She and Ginny get on really well. I think both Ginny and I wish she was our little sister. She's really quite cool! She plays seeker in our practices (we got a new quidditch set from Quality Quidditch Supplies from Fred and George) and she might give you a run for your money come start of term (she's coming to Hogwarts)! She also plays beater, though, and she's pretty damn good! She could easily compete with the twins! I'm getting better at keeping; Ginny's been helping me practice. Ginny's definitely going to be a chaser this year. She's really good- I never knew!  
One bad thing, though. Dean Thomas came to pay a call in the beginning of holiday. You know, him and Ginny are going out now. It had to be one of the most embarrassing things ever! I would never have imagined my sister and a dormmate who wasn't particularly my top choice (*cough, cough*-Harry). He didn't stay very long, though- only a couple of hours, thank god. Anyway, I hope you're a Martin Miggs fan! He's one of my favorite muggles. Mind you, I don't exactly know that many... I saw Hagrid and Madam Maxime at the headquarters last week! I don't want to spoil the surprise for you, so I'll wait til you receive Hagrid's letter. Another thing! Guess which idiot arrived at dinner yesterday- Percy Ignatius Weasle, largest prat to ever go through Hogwarts. Came and apologized, although I must say, it was rather half-heartedly. I don't suspect he can believe that he's wrong. Only mum and dad are lapping it up, but dad did seem a bit resentful. He was such a prat before he left, I don't know how he could expect even that much of a welcome. He even admitted that you aren't as bad as the Daily Prophet made out! Thought you'd be glad to know that! I'll see you later, then, Harry! Only a short while left to go! We'll pick you up a week before term starts and you can come back to the Burrow!  
  
See you, Harry! -Ron P.S.- did you hear? Hermione's started 'spew' in the Unitted Statues of Amirrorca! What a blast! Who'd have thunk it?  
  
Harry laughed out loud at Ron's idea of America.  
  
Harry turned to a brightly wrapped package  
  
reading, "Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes" and his  
  
stomach flipped. He excitedly broke open the box and  
  
saw what was inside. Buried under oodles of joke  
  
sweets and trick wands and fireworks was yet another  
  
package with a piece of parchment stuck to it.  
  
Hey, Harry!  
We hope the muggles aren't getting you down! If they are, just let off a couple of 'strike-em-dumb-sours' and they won't bother you for the next few hours! And we'd like to thank you, because you're the inspiration for... dadadadaaah! Vanishing Creams! You'll find something- and that you're even more famous than you think!  
You'll be visiting the Burrow soon, did Ron tell you? We'll have to have a big quidditch match- it'll be a blast! Bill's girlfriend's sister has bet us a spell that she could beat us in a match with you and us against her playing beater and seeker at the same time! We'll see you soon! We're off to go Percy-pranking. It's a new sport we invented. See you- Fred,  
George  
  
Harry couldn't help being a bit confused about the  
  
vanishing stuff they had mentioned. He reached  
  
farther inside the box to find a small vial full of some  
  
green liquid with a label reading, "Vanishing Cream: a  
  
simple, safe way to temporarily 'get rid of' those  
  
annoying, unwanted, pimples, scars, cold sores, etc.."  
  
There was a small post-it reading, "Have fun, Harry!"  
  
He set it on his bedside table. It might come in handy  
  
in Diagon Alley. There was also a badge reading, "VIP  
  
pass in WWW." Harry knew he would definitely need  
  
this in Diagon Alley.  
  
The next package was from Hagrid. It was  
  
a bunch of old French maps. Harry wasn't quite sure  
  
why. He hurriedly opened the letter, hoping that his  
  
worst fears were not met.  
  
Harry!  
How've yeh been? I'm doin' just fine. I'm off in France again, but not on Order-work. With all yer normal snoopin' this won't come as a shock, but I'm engaged to Madame Maxime! Yer definitely invited to the wedding! It'll be over Christmas holiday. I'll keep up me gamekeeper duties and teachin', don' worry. I'm givin' you these maps because after the weddin' I'm going to spend holidays in France. I'm going to stay gamekeeper, and keep me hut as a shed, but live in Hogsmeade. Olympe's gonna stay headmistress fer a while, but she might come teach here.  
I 'spect to see yeh soon! Olympe sends regards, and I hope yer summer goes well.  
  
-Hagrid  
  
Harry finally reached the last package. It  
  
was from Lupin. He opened it to find a bunch of  
  
defense against the dark arts books, but no letter.  
  
Maybe it had fallen off on the way. Harry happily  
  
arranged all of his gifts. He'd have to ask the Dursleys  
  
for permission to go with the Weasley's for the last  
  
couple weeks of term. He sighed and went  
  
downstairs. Another small argument with Uncle  
  
Vernon was definitely worth a week with the  
  
Weasleys. He entered the living room to find the  
  
whole family sitting in front of the television in a  
  
stupor. It was probably that movie, Breeding  
  
Elephants in England! that Aunt Petunia had been  
  
ranting on about because she used to go to school  
  
with the director.  
  
"Er- Uncle Vernon-" Harry said, breaking  
  
the family out their trance.  
  
"What, boy? Can't it wait? We're watching  
  
a very important film!" Aunt Petunia said through  
  
gritted teeth, obviously annoyed.  
  
"Well, my friend wrote me asking if I could  
  
come for the last week in term."  
  
Uncle Vernon turned slowly in his  
  
seat. "No!"  
  
"But-"  
  
"Boy, we're busy! You're not going to  
  
some weirdo's house!"  
  
Harry thoroughly regretted disturbing them  
  
for the first time-really-ever. Then he got an idea. It  
  
had worked once before, it could work again.  
  
"Oh, well, Mad-Eye Moody said that if I  
  
wasn't able to go, he'd come check up on me before  
  
school starts. Is that all right?" Uncle Vernon seemed  
  
able to put a face to the name "Mad-Eye Moody" and  
  
spoke immediately, his face an ugly purple.  
  
"Pack your things. Ask him if you can go  
  
tomorrow." Harry was stunned.  
  
"Wha- really?"  
  
"Of course, boy! Don't be stupid! Tell him  
  
that we don't give a damn if he takes you or not, just as  
  
long as he doesn't set foot here!"  
  
"All right." Harry nearly laughed. Uncle  
  
Vernon's history showed him to be a very pathetic and  
  
easily-scared man. Harry ran up to his room and  
  
plopped down onto his bed. He picked up the Daily  
  
Prophet copy from Hermione and began to read it. He  
  
scanned the front page article about prospects for the  
  
turnout of the (aghhh! I'm just going to say world cup.  
  
We're going to pretend that people were so depressed  
  
that the department of magical games and sports  
  
decided to hold the world cup every year!) world cup  
  
semifinals: Bulgaria again against  
  
Japan. Supposedly there were so many  
  
accidents and injuries that the tournament would be  
  
held August 30th. Many of the Bulgarian and  
  
Japanese team members were severely wounded and  
  
would require a long time to recover. On the next  
  
page, to his surprise, was an article by Rita Skeeter,  
  
called "Gilderoy Lockhart's Fraudery." He read it for  
  
laughs.  
  
Not many people know that Gilderoy Fridlow Lockhart was a liar. It was discovered three weeks ago that he didn't do any of the brave deeds that he explained in his books. His books, such as Ghadding with Ghouls, Weekend with a Werewolf, and Magical Me were all autobiographies in which he constantly praised himself.  
This was discovered when a warlock from Dunharrow said that he was in fact the slayer of the Bandon Banshee. Nobody believed this (or rather wanted to believe this) until other people said similar things. They accused Lockhart, who, after a year teaching at Hogwarts is now in St. Mungo's permanent ailment ward after a memory charm backfired, of charming them after learning about what they had done. Apparently the charms wore off..."  
  
Harry quit reading. It was all rubbish he  
  
already knew.  
  
He turned to the advertisement page and his jaw  
  
dropped. There was an advertisement for World Cup  
  
Tickets. It read:  
  
"Quidditch World Cup Tickets; advance  
  
bargain top box tickets - book by August 3rd and  
  
reserve up to five seats per party! Only 30 galleons!"  
  
This definitely topped off Harry's day. He practically  
  
dove into the loose floorboard in his room and took out  
  
a huge money bag which he had been meaning to  
  
reserve for a treat. He had allowed him some extra  
  
spending money for random things last year and had  
  
saved quite a bit, so he decided that he would treat  
  
himself- and a few others. He felt a bit guilty spending  
  
so much money, but he was doing quite a good deed.  
  
Who would come, though? Bill and Charlie would  
  
probably be too busy. Mr. Weasley and Professor  
  
Lupin wouldn't be able to go either- what if there was  
  
an emergency in the middle of the game? Well, the  
  
twins could come. That would work.  
  
Harry grabbed a piece of parchment, scrawled down  
  
the required information, and stuck this to a  
  
disposable satchel with the money Harry quickly  
  
attached the note to Hedwig's leg and bade her  
  
goodbye.  
  
"Safe Travels, Hedwig," Harry murmured  
  
as his owl took flight. He watched as the bird  
  
swooped out of sight, above the gray tiled roofs of  
  
Privet Drive. Harry turned back to his gifts. He sat  
  
down on his bed and switched on the lamp. As Harry  
  
turned to retrieve the Auror's Guide book from the  
  
table, he looked at his reflection in the mirror. There  
  
was his scar, disturbing as ever. He turned away and  
  
opened the book to the first chapter, entitled, "The  
  
Auror Divisions."  
  
"Wow," Harry said. "Look at this..." He  
  
flipped the pages, astonished. "I never knew..."  
The first thing to note about being an Auror is that there are many divisions, each with its own requirements in school exams and post- school training. There are very few sorts involved with out of country work. The British division of this group has probably accepted the most people in the past twenty years out of any other division: 24 students- 19 men, 5 women, natives of 12 countries in all, majority of them from our own British Isles. Although their names are undisclosed in this book due to M.O.M. law, their records are held in the main office. The location of the main office is also kept secret, but its public office can be reached by port- door in the Ministry building.  
Contrary to common belief, there are many different classifications of Aurors: most widely known are the dark wizard catchers, then the spies, secret agents, defenders (bodyguards), special services for defending, secret keeping, charming, stealth, tracking, establishing bases in foreign countries, rescue missions, etc. Probably dark wizard catchers are most common as many are needed to finding You-Know-Who at the moment. The most difficult and selective divisions involve charming and secret keeping. Often they find themselves in very dangerous positions, and only two people have been taken on in the past twenty years, and both are believed to have either died or been murdered on the job. However, there are still two professional secret keepers living who were taken on within the past one hundred and thirty years. Both are supposed to be in good health at the moment.  
  
Harry had a very good idea of who all of  
  
these four people were. He shut the book and set it  
  
aside. He glanced at his clock and saw that it read  
  
7:00. Aunt Petunia would probably want him to make  
  
dinner. He proceeded downstairs, but on his way  
  
collided with a very big mass of pale skin, topped with  
  
a piggish face and blonde hair.  
  
"Why if it isn't our ickle boxing champion-  
  
Dudley the Dull." Harry muttered. "That stupid  
  
movie's finished, then?"  
  
"It wasn't stupid, that woman's famous,  
  
and mum says that she could help me get into ________ (insert crap university name here) on a boxing scholarship."  
  
"Yes, Dudley," Harry said  
  
scathingly. "That's just about the only way you'd ever  
  
get in anywhere." Dudley looked as though he was  
  
about to punch Harry. "You'd better not do anything,  
  
Dud, or you won't get any dinner." Dudley looked as  
  
though it was taking a lot of effort for him to turn  
  
around and walk down the stairs. Harry took this  
  
chance to run back upstairs to his room. He quickly  
  
bolted the door shut. He wasn't panting, but his face  
  
was all sweaty. He shook his head; he was becoming  
  
paranoid.  
'After all the experiences I've had, I can't  
  
really blame myself,' a voice inside his head said. He  
  
had to say that he agreed.  
  
It was getting rather late, and Harry  
  
supposed that he would get to sleep early after  
  
reading some of his Martin Miggs comics and eating  
  
some of the cake. He took off his glasses and  
  
switched off his lamp. It's been a really good birthday,  
  
Harry thought.  
  
Okay, People! PLEASE REVIEW! Pleeeeeease! 


	2. Breakfast at Headquarters

Chapter Two- Breakfast at Headquarters  
  
Harry woke to Hedwig's tapping on the window. He jumped out of bed to let his owl in, opening the envelope after he set Hedwig in the cage. It was the tickets! They gave all the information, which seats to take, and which Portkeys to take.  
  
Suddenly there was a crashing sound, then a sound resembling that of a buzz saw. Upon closer examination, Harry saw that it was coming from inside his closet. When the noise continued for the next few minutes, Harry backed up nervously. Wait a second- he thought- I never knew there was another door inside of it. That was because there hadn't been a door there before. The knob turned and a purple-haired someone stumbled in, followed by a small crowd of people, all of whom he had seen before. "Hiya, Harry!" Tonks exclaimed, dusting herself off and shaking his hand. "Hope your summer's gone well?" And before Harry could answer (not that he would have, he was much too amazed), she continued. "This is the Order's birthday gift for you, sorry we couldn't install it yesterday- I forgot it was my job to go ask if we could do this in the first place." "Harry, how've you been?" Kingsley Shacklebolt said in his deep voice, patting Harry on the back. Next, a familiar red headed man (with spots of gray) came forward. "Harry! Yes, I know, we probably should have written something about this in a letter, but I suppose it just didn't cross Tonks' mind... Come along, then, we'll explain everything. Everyone's just waiting to see you! Come this way!" Mr. Weasley led the way through the door. Harry, still shocked, was greeted by much applause as he stepped into the entrance hallway of Grimmauld Place. He turned to his right and saw the main entrance door. "Harry!" he turned around to see quite a few members of the Order of the Phoenix. Harry finally found his voice. "How- how did you do this? It's brilliant!" Mr. Weasley spoke. "Well, normally a port-door would have been strictly watched, but obviously we didn't want that. Hermione created her own little charm though, and I don't think the Ministry will be able to figure it out." "I thought we were on good terms with the government now, though?" "Ahh, but still. It's safer this way," Kingsley said. "Yeah, and Lucius is in Azkaban now! It's absolutely wonderful," Tonks said. "My mum was laughing about it all last week. Malfoy's wife is my aunt anyway." "But what about the dementors?" Harry asked. "I thought they've gone over to Voldemort-" a large wave of flinches passed through the crowd. "Er- sorry- but is there anyone guarding Azkaban anymore?" "Well, they've got giants guarding the cells now," a man Harry remembered was called Elphias Doge said wheezily. "There's really no escaping them- you can't use magic to block physical attacks." "And it would take quite a few extremely skilled wizards and witches to do anything to a full-grown giant," Dedalus Diggle added, dropping his top- hat. "So Hagrid and Madame Maxime convinced them, then?" Harry inquired. Many people laughed and nodded, sharing looks of happiness for the half-giant couple. Suddenly Mrs. Weasley bustled out of the kitchen, hastily wiping her hands off on her apron. She looked up and spotted Harry, her eyes sparkling with happiness. "Harry, dear! Welcome back!" She turned to everyone else. "Come on, everybody! Breakfast! Alastor will be here with the children in an hour or two- by then everything'll be cold! Hurry up, now!" As the order members proceeded to the dining room, Mrs. Weasley hung back to come give Harry a huge hug. "How have you been, dear?" She asked worriedly. "The Dursley's haven't been too harsh on you, have they? Have they been feeding you properly? No- I can tell! You're skin and bones! Come eat, now!" She led Harry to the long table and pulled out a chair for him between Tonks and Bill. "Hey there! Haven't seen you since Christmas, Harry!" Bill said, sticking out a freckly hand for Harry to shake. "Yeah! How've you been? How's Fleur?" Harry asked. Bill's jaw dropped slightly. "How'd you know?" "I got a letter from Ron on my birthday. He explained everything," Harry said with a grin. "Oh, she's doing really well. Did Ron tell you? Her little sister came, too, she's great. They both remember you from the Tournament!" "Oh, yeah," Tonks said. "I remember reading about how you saved Gabriel in that Tournament! She's really a little angel, Gabriel is." Harry then noticed that beneath the wild colorful hair was a huge bandage.  
  
"Tonks! What happened to your...er... head?" he asked tentatively. "Oh... well... that was from last June..." An awkward silence followed. Then Tonks continued to break the silence. "Did I ever tell any of you? Maybe it would have been better if I had, but my little sister's coming too!" "Really?" Bill asked. "I never knew you had any siblings, Tonks!" Harry said. He couldn't imagine Tonks as an older sister. Tonks rolled her eyes. "That's what everyone says... Dunno why, really..." Bill grinned at Harry. "But yeah, I do have a bunch of older siblings. But as for my younger sister, her name's Isamba Selene Nepenthales Tonks. Yeah, I know- it's a bit of a doozy, but my mum named her. What else could you expect from her? We all call her Isa or something along those lines." "How old is she?" Harry asked, spooning mashed potatoes onto his plate. "Ah, I'd say she's about a year younger than you, so she'd be in the same year as Ginny." "What school does she go to?" Mrs. Weasley asked as she set a large loaf of freshly baked cinnamon bread on the table. "Well, she's gone to Beauxbatons for the past age, but I told my mum that it would be fun if she came around these parts, so she might be joining your crowd at Hogwarts- I mean- where else would she go to school?" "Why was she at Beauxbatons?" Harry asked. "Well, she thought it would be boring to go to Hogwarts as usual. When she made that decision she was a lot like me- a tad rebellious, you know." They all smiled. "Now, though, she says it would be interesting to come here at this time. My mum was rather against it all, but then she figured that it would be a sisterly bonding sort of thing. I think that the main reason Isa wants to switch to Hogwarts, though is that she really misses quidditch, as they don't have it at her school. She's got a Nimbus Two Thousand, and she's pretty good on it, actually." "Hey, Harry, didn't your Nimbus get clobbered by the willow or something a couple years ago?" Bill asked. "Yeah, it was a disaster," Harry remembered, flinching at the memory of finding the remaining splinters. Just then, Harry heard a distant crash in the living room (Harry supposed it was the fireplace) and a lot of bustling about. Mrs. Weasley hurried to go greet everyone at the end of the long hallway. "It's probably the young ones! I'll let them in," she said. As Harry wiped his hands off on the napkin on his lap, he heard one of his best friend's voices. "Mum, is Harry here?" Ron sounded a bit muffled, as though Mrs. Weasley was hugging him very tightly. "Oh, yes, dear, he's in the kitchen. Ah, Hermione, How have you been? Did you get to the Burrow this morning, or..?" Mrs. Weasley asked. "Oh, yes. I came by Floo Powder. I'm so excited- my home has just been connected to the Network! It'll be so much easier to- you know- visit my parents and everything." "Yes, very good, dear. And Ginny, where's Gabriel?" "She's going to come in a few minutes with Fred and George." "Dear, are you sure that's wise?" Harry could hear all of them down towards the kitchen and got up to go greet them. "Harry!" Ron called as he turned the corner into the loud room. Ron looked around and spotted Harry, their faces both cracking into wide grins. "I hope you got the owls, mate, I was worried Hedwig might not be able to make it with so many packages!" Ron said, clapping Harry on the back in greeting. "Yeah, thanks. The cake was great, and I started reading the comics," Harry said as a bushy- haired girl and a red-haired girl entered. "Hermione! Ginny!" "Hi, Harry!" Ginny said with a huge smile. "Harry, did Hedwig make it with the packages?" Hermione asked. "Yeah, thanks for the book- it's really cool! I actually started reading the first chapter." "Good, I'm glad you liked it," she replied. "At first I wasn't sure that you'd like it- you know- it being a book and all. Now that I know you like it though, I might give you Hogwarts: A History for Christmas." "Ah, don't do that. I think he'd prefer nothing," Ron said with a grimace as Hermione glared. "Well- it'd be a waste, really, as you know it cover to cover." Hermione seemed rather emulsified by the compliment.  
"Well, Harry, Ginny and I were wondering," Ron started, "if we could come see your muggle room. You know, she didn't see it back in second or fourth year when we came to get you."  
"Oh- alright, then. Let's just tell your mum that we're going."  
"Alright," Ron said. He turned in the direction of Mrs. Weasley and called, "Mum! We're going to go see Harry's muggle room!"  
"Yes, do that, dear!" She replied, only half-listening to them. Ron shrugged and proceeded to the door. "You know," Harry said, "You all may not like it; everything that has to do with the Dursleys is extremely boring." "Oh, come on Harry; it can't be worse than the Shrieking Shack, you know," Ginny said with a smile. Hermione turned the knob and flung it open. They all stepped inside.  
  
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	3. Uncle Vernon's Lunacy

Chapter Three-  
Uncle Vernon's Lunacy  
  
Harry could see Ron crinkling his nose as he appraised his surroundings.  
"It really looks the same as you keep your part of the dorm, really."  
"I told you it wouldn't be anything different," Harry laughed, heading back to the door.  
"Wait! We can't just leave!" Ron said.  
"We have to see the rest of your house!" Ginny said. "That includes your cousin, Harry!"  
"How would we do that, anyway?" Harry asked exasperatedly.  
"Duh, Harry," Hermione said. When they all raised their eyebrows, she sighed and said, "It's an American expression. Well anyway, I would have thought it obvious. The invisibility cloak, of course!"  
Harry saw the mischievous looks on Ron and Ginny's faces. "No way. Uncle Vernon would blow his top if you all went to play some trick on Dudley. He'd blame me!"  
"Well, Harry," Ginny said. "You could just bring all your stuff over to Headquarters and just stay there until school starts."  
"Better yet, Harry," Ron exclaimed after Harry began to shake his head. "Come to the Burrow!"  
Harry's face immediately brightened. "Cool! I don't think the Dursley's would really mind, anyway. You guys can get the cloak, it's at the top of my trunk, and I'll go tell Uncle Vernon. I'll be right by him, too, so he won't have any reason to think that I – did - whatever you all are going to do."  
"Good plan, mate." Ron laughed, already opening the trunk. Harry opened the door of his bedroom onto the landing. He walked down the stairs, listening to Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon converse down in the kitchen as he went.  
"I wonder," Aunt Petunia said through the pursed lips of her bony, horse-like face, "what all those reports on the news this morning were about." Uncle Vernon spluttered slightly on his usual coffee.  
"What reports, dear?"  
Harry listened as Aunt Petunia sat down upon a chair and began to whisper hurriedly as she leaned forward. "More of those 'unexplainable attacks,' Vernon. The victims were found the same way that they were. You know- all the tests said that they were perfectly fine except for the fact that they were dead. The only- well- sign was that they had looks of terror upon their faces." Harry came to a halt at these words. There was a pause in which Uncle Vernon choked, "It cannot be, Petunia." Harry crept silently to a niche between the kitchen door and a new marble bust of Beatrice of Bourbon, which was beneath a tapestry of King Ederscel.  
"Vernon- I don't know what else it could possibly be! I don't want to think that it could be happening again. The people killed seemed- normal enough..." Both remained silent for a while, deep in thought. Suddenly someone tapped Harry on the shoulder. This resulted in Harry whipping around due to his quidditch reflexes. Obviously, Harry did not see anybody as it was Ron and Ginny under the cloak, but Harry accidentally knocked over the bust of King Ederscel.  
Luckily Ron and Ginny both had good reflexes too. They threw the cloak over Harry as Aunt Petunia snapped, "Vernon- could it be-" They paused for a few moments, holding their breath. Hearing nothing, the Dursleys sighed with relief.  
"'Twas nothing, dear," Vernon whimpered.  
"But then- what was the crash about?" Petunia whispered slowly. Snapping back into reality, they ran out of the kitchen to find the statue in shards.  
"No!" Uncle Vernon cried. "It's ruined! I am a direct descendant of the Bourbons! I've been waiting for that statue to be passed down to me for- my whole life! It's a valuable family heirloom from centuries ago!" he said through gritted teeth.  
"Vernon! We- we could fix it!" Petunia said consolingly.  
"How do you propose we do that?" her husband shouted. Aunt Petunia paused for a minute. The three under the cloak quietly crept into- the cupboard under the stairs.  
"The boy, Vernon. He could fix it! You know, that's one good thing I remember about Lily- she could fix anything." Inside the closet, Harry's jaw dropped. That was the first time he could remember Aunt Petunia saying his mother's name.  
"The boy- the boy!" Uncle Vernon growled, looking around carefully. "He probably did this in the first place. I'm going to check if he's still in his room."  
"Harry!" Ginny hissed. "How're you going to get up there? It sounds like he's halfway up the stairs already!" Sure enough, dust was falling from the ceiling as the large muggle pounded up the stairs. Harry could hear Ron begin to panic. Harry shut his eyes tight and began to think very hard. Why am I not upstairs in my room!? What am I doing down here with a broken statue with my name written all over it?! I wish I was upstairs... Why did I decide to play this stupid prank anyway? How can I possibly get up there? Harry gave up and opened his eyes. He blinked two or three times before sinking onto the floor of his bedroom. He had somehow apparated there. No, he thought. Even if it was possible for me to apparate without splinching myself, I'd already have Ministry officials banging on the door.  
  
And there was a banging on the door.  
"Boy!" Uncle Vernon thundered. "Get out here- NOW!" Harry, lightheaded, walked outside to face a purple-faced Uncle Vernon.  
"Waddid-i-doo?" Harry mumbled.  
"You broke the statue!"  
"Uncle Vernon, I couldn't have done it. I've been here all along- I- I was taking a nap!"  
Uncle Vernon opened his mouth to retort with something no doubt rude, but then closed it again as his nose was tweaked by an invisible someone. "Ouch!"  
Harry was finding it difficult to keep himself from laughing. "What?"  
"Don't you try to act innocent, boy! You're using some kind of magic- I know it! Don't try to fool around with me!"  
"I'd be arrested if I used mag- I mean, did anything abnormal during the holiday! Remember last year? I'd be expelled."  
Uncle Vernon once again opened his mouth but thought better of it.  
"Well- can you fix it?"  
"What do you mean by that?"  
"Fix the statue, you idiot boy!"  
"Watch who you're calling an idiot! I just told you that I can't use magic outside of school!"  
Aunt Petunia came up the stairs then. Harry felt Ron and Ginny invisibly slip past him and into his room. By the soft clunks he heard, they were carrying all of his stuff through the portal for a quick getaway.  
  
Hermione would have found the loose floorboard by now, as she had stayed back and probably seen the trail of yesterday's cake crumbs leading to the hiding space. Harry dearly hoped she had unloaded everything important so that he wouldn't have to risk going back through the portals again later. He'd prefer to go to the Burrow and not have to return to Headquarters for a long time.  
  
"Vernon!" Petunia said quietly. "Maybe it would be best to just save the pieces and wait until he's seventeen or whatever- he can fix it then." "NO!" Uncle Vernon roared, now froth gathering on his lips and perfectly shaped mustache. With his bloodshot eyes, he looked positively mad. Suddenly he dropped to the ground. Harry turned around to see Professor Remus Lupin standing with his wand out. He had obviously stunned the great muggle. Petunia seemed to give a sigh of relief, then hastened to cover it up.  
"Sorry about that- I had to. It looked as though he was going to wallop you all with those flabby fists of his. No worries- he'll come round in the next few hours or so." The professor looked even more worn out than usual- if that was at all possible. His hair had grown grayer and the bags under his eyes seemed deeper.  
"Petunia, -isn't it?" Lupin asked kindly. She nodded, looking thoroughly shaken. "I think it would be best for you to come with us. Is your son around?"  
"No," she said, sounding extremely defensive. "Dudley is out training for- you know- his boxing," she said with an arrogant air.  
"That's- er- nice. Anyway, please follow me this way." He turned to Harry. "Gather your things, Harry. You're going to the Burrow. You'll hopefully only be back next summer." He gave a feeble smile to Harry as he followed Aunt Petunia through the door in the closet.  
Harry checked for anything that remained as was pleased to see that he was right; Hermione had found the loose floorboard. He hurried and proceeded through the door.  
  
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